Valerie Rayne’s Smoking Fetish Journey

After reading my post about my smoking journey, a follower pointed out that it didn’t really touch on the fetish aspect of my smoking experiences. How did I discover my smoking fetish and when did I realize I had a smoking fetish?

I’ve touched a little bit on the things I really love about smoking and what turns me on about it but now, I want to try to remember how my fetish was born and grew. Let me just preface by saying, I smoked for a long time before I realized it could even be a fetish.

When I uploaded my first smoking video to Pornhub, The Smoky Blowjob in 2018 (which is currently unavailable, sorry), I wasn’t entirely aware of the possibility of a smoking fetish. I was just a heavy smoker who sometimes included smoking in sex acts. Yes, I obviously thought it was hot and often found it to be a major turn on, but I didn’t realize other people felt the same way. 2018 Val was dumb, what can I say…

Then the comments began flooding in. Some said something along the lines of, “You should make more smoking content” and a door was opened. “Have you ever tried blowing smoke rings? Do you do snap inhales? What about a dangle?“. Now that my eyes had been opened to the fact that others might be turned on by smoking, it lit me up (pun intended)! A door was open and I ran through it hard and fast.

Because I smoke so much, it just seemed natural to include it in my solo content. It quickly became my favorite type of content to make. There is something wildly sensual about smoking a cigarette and thinking about someone watching me enjoy it. Sometimes I think my smoking fetish is very tied up in my exhibitionism fetish. Would it arouse me as much if people weren’t watching and consuming? Hard to say.

I differentiate between the regular smokes and the fetish smokes because I smoke so much. A regular smoke has no thought or intention behind it – it’s just light up and smoke. A fetish smoke is purposeful, the inhales are deep, the exhales are controlled in specific ways. The regular smoke, I feel in my head. The fetish smoke, I feel in my body.

Over the years, I feel like my smoking fetish has grown and expanded. It’s become a big part of who I am as a person and as a content creator. Not only do I enjoy actually smoking, I enjoy watching people smoke and I enjoy talking about aspects of this fetish. I think about smoking as a fetish at least once a day, I convince myself not to quit or slow down because of the fetish, I have at least one fetish-focused smoke a day and I’ve created multiple communities online for smoking fetishists – what started as an exploration has turned into a full-on obsession!

This blog, an entire place for me to write solely about my smoking fetish, is proof positive of the expansion of my smoking fetish journey!

So to wrap up, I hadn’t really considered myself to be a smoking fetishist for about 15 years of my smoking journey. Hadn’t even realized it was possible! I’ve been a smoking fetishist, knowingly and fully aware of it, for about 7 or 8 years. As the years go on, I become more and more interested in smoking as a fetish and I believe it is very tied into my exhibitionism fetish.

Valerie Rayne’s Stoner Era

I had my very first experience with marijuana the year I turned 16. My older cousin, the one who first introduced me to cigarettes, knew that I had been considering trying weed after watching my sister and her partner enjoy it for at least a year. I wanted to know what it felt like and why everyone enjoyed it so much.

I remember going to the treed area behind our house and I remember smoking a small bowl from a metal pipe. I know I coughed the first time but then I was good as we passed the pipe back and forth between us. I don’t remember feeling high per se. I got a bit of a floaty feeling but I didn’t get ridiculously giggly or experience any of the things that people claim to experience when high on weed. I did fall asleep really easily that night.

Shortly after that, I started hanging out with a guy who would become the father of my first three kids. He was an avid marijuana user and even had a “gang” (I put this in quotes because it was really just a group of people who got high together) dedicated to weed. We would smoke weed all day, every day! I did quit for a short period when I was pregnant with my first kid but also had pretty severe morning sickness and the weed made it easier to eat, so it didn’t last long. Eventually, we broke up and I got with The Boyfriend and continued to smoke weed, every single day.

Smoking from a glass pipe in the bathtub.

When I first started smoking weed, I was all about the pipe but they were always someone else’s pipe, usually metal, sometimes wood. Then about 4 or 5 years into my habit, I became obsessed with bongs because they were so easy to use and it gave me a nice smooth smoke, plus felt better when sharing with groups of people. Once The Boyfriend and I got together, he was an expert joint roller and my smoke of choice became joints. I imagine because they were closer to cigarettes, it also made it easier to have a 5 – 7 joints a day habit. And once weed was legalized and pre-rolled joints became available, those were my absolute favorite! Especially loved the all-white ones (no surprise!).

Smoking a pre-rolled joint with messy hair.

For 20 years, I smoked weed every single day. I’d go to work high, went through 6 pregnancies high, would smoke as soon as I woke up and right before I went to bed, all my sex happened when I was high, it was all high. Of course, high looked different/normal after a 20-year habit. It was just my normal and rarely did I ever feel high – just felt level. Just felt calm and relaxed and smooth.

After I had my 6th kid, who was born with a rare kidney condition, I threw blood clots in both my legs. For about 3 years, I seriously struggled with everything and couldn’t walk and spent a lot of time in the hospital and all the things started to have a very obvious impact on my mental health. In 2024, I began experiencing extreme anxiety and chest pain that seemed to be triggered every time I smoked weed. I decided I would take a break from marijuana to see if I could get rid of the anxiety and chest pain.

I’ve now been weed-free for about two years. Originally, I had just intended to take a break from it and was convinced that it would be a struggle, but quitting wasn’t hard. The chest pain was eventually diagnosed as inflammation that I still deal with today, but the anxiety has lessened dramatically, and ultimately, I feel much better not smoking weed. I have more energy, my memory has improved and I enjoy saving some money now that I’m not spending so much on multiple joints a day. The Boyfriend continues to smoke weed occasionally, which I also thought would make quitting for me harder, but I basically don’t even notice. Now he smokes outside and I think it’s been good for the whole house, which no longer reaks of pot.

A Snapchat post from 2023 in which I say, “It’s always 4:20 to me!“

I don’t think I’ll ever go back to smoking weed. The only time I ever have “cravings” for it is when we’re in large groups of people who are also smoking weed. But then I just smell it and that’s good enough for me. I feel like my life has been improved by quitting and I wouldn’t want to go back to how it was when I was getting high every day.

Valerie Rayne: On Quitting

Among the questions I am most frequently asked is, “Have you ever thought about quitting?” and my answer is often some variation of “not really“, but I feel like the real answer is much more complicated than that. So today, I figured I’d share my more detailed thoughts on quitting.

The reality is, every single smoker thinks about quitting at some point. There are a dozen reasons to quit and only one real reason to keep smoking – because we enjoy it. Society screams at you to quit, your body screams at you to quit, your pocketbook screams at you to quit, absolutely everything screams “QUIT“. So of course, every smoker thinks about quitting and if you ever come across one who doesn’t, they are lying!

The biggest reason to quit is because smoking is an expensive habit! When I first started buying smokes, you could get a pack of 25 for under $10. Today, a pack of 20 will cost about $20. That’s a lot of damn money! The number of times I’ve been on the verge of quitting just because I didn’t have money is endless. At a minimum, 4 times a year, I consider quitting because I just can’t afford it. I’m doing the math (which is horrible, because I hate math) but that means in the almost 22 years I’ve been smoking, I’ve considered quitting at least 88 times!!!

One time, shortly after The Boyfriend and I began dating, I legitimately tried quitting. There was just no money at all for smoking. Neither of us can remember exactly how long we quit for, at least a few weeks but no more than 3 months. It was a truly dedicated effort for us both until one day, when he was at work and I was at home, at almost the exact same time, we bummed a smoke off the people we were with. We tried, we failed and we basically never tried again.

But I regularly think about quitting for other reasons, like:

• Walking up stairs and get slightly out of breath, gotta quit.
• Surrounded by people who don’t smoke, gotta quit.
• Stuck inside a building, for whatever reason, for more than an hour, gotta quit.
• Have a cold and a sore throat, gotta quit.
• Go to your doctor, for any reason, gotta quit.

Again, there are a thousand reasons to quit and I would be remiss to not at least acknowledge those. That being said, these are often fleeting thoughts followed quickly by the lighting of a cigarette…

Do I think I will quit smoking ever?

I often imagine, when I’m grown up (she says at 38…) that I’ll quit smoking. That I’ll have had enough of smoking and that my body will be begging me to quit and my doctor will give me dire warnings that will encourage me to quit and the people around me who smoke will also want to quit which will support me in my quitting determination. But that’s future-me’s problem. Right now, it’s not actively on my mind except when money is tight or in any of the scenarios I listed above.

I have been challenged by a follower to try to go some period of time without a cigarette and determine how long it takes before I start itching with a craving. How long it takes before I’m antsy and irritated and desperate to inhale and exhale the smooth creamy smoke. I postulate that it would take me exactly 30 minutes to get to that point, assuming I wasn’t in the hospital or at some other important appointment (in which case I can last up to 8 hours before getting irritable for smoking reasons).

So, to sum up: yes, I’ve thought about quitting – even tried for real once. It’s often a fleeting thought and one I have relatively frequently. Maybe one day I’ll quit, but definitely not today!

Discuss This: Multiples

I could not even begin to tell you the number of times I get asked if I smoke multiple cigarettes! It doesn’t happen, ever! It’s one of those things that I have a hard time understanding the appeal.

Discuss in the Comments

That being said, during my last livestream, I decided to experiment with it as I was putting out one smoke and lighting another. So here’s a shorty video of me using one smoke to light the next (butt-fucking) and then inhaling both at the same time (multiples). Enjoy and let me know if you want to see more!

Butt-Fucking and Multiples

P.S. If you wanna know when I livestream, I highly recommend joining my Telegram Group. I try to go live a couple of times a month and there is always tons of smoking in my streams.

Also, sorry for the lower quality video. It happens when you download livestreams onto your phone. If you’d like to get a custom of me smoking multiples, feel free to send me a message on LoyalFans.

Valerie Rayne’s Favorite Part of a Smoke

For as long as I can remember, my favorite part of a cigarette has always been the exhale. In the early days of my smoking habit, when we would sneak smokes on my Mom’s bingo nights, I would close myself up in the bathroom and smoke in front of the mirror, obsessing over the way the smoke floated over my lips and out of my mouth. To this day, my most favorite moments of my smoking content is watching the exhalations on repeat.

I’ve never been one to feel “buzzed” from smoking cigarettes and I don’t seem to get lightheaded from smoking too much and while the inhale and holding are nice (and essential to the enjoyment of a smoke), they don’t bring me as much pleasure and fulfillment as the exhale does. It forces me to focus on my breathing in an almost meditative way.

To me, exhaling is the most sensual and erotic  part of a smoke. It’s slow, it’s deliberate, it’s focused and as someone who can be a bit orally fixated, it’s using all those beautiful mouth muscles. Your lips touch and then part, forming shapes to allow the smoke to escape. You breathe out and get a visual representation of your breath leaving your body. It releases something in a very profound way.

Speaking of visuals, seriously?!? Watching the exhale is just so damn hot!

And I’m not even talking about the cool tricks people can do while exhaling, which make the moment even more exciting. I’m just talking about your average, everyday, run-of-the-mill exhale. The way the smoke dances slowly, winding through the ether in glorious tendrils. The way it swirls in the sunlight and fills the empty space before you. It’s a delightfully mesmerizing thing. It turns me on so much!!!

I’ve always held the exhale of a cigarette in high regard. It’s always been my favorite part of smoking and it’s always been the thing that I think I would miss the most if I were to ever quit. I’m not worried about “what do I do with my hands?” or “I need something in my mouth!”. I’m always worried about “how will I remember to breathe out? how will I remember to release my breath?“.

I once read a book that contained the following mantra and every time I’m really enjoying the exhale, I think of these words:

Breathing in, I calm body and mind.

Breathing out, I smile.

Valerie Rayne’s Smoking Confession #1.5

After my post, Valerie Rayne’s Smoking Confession #1, I was sent a message from a follower who really liked the post. They were curious how long it took for the ashtray to go from empty to full, so I decided to spend the day tracking the journey of my ashtray. Consider this the continuation of my ashtray confession!

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1:00 PM – Just Woke Up

I wake up, usually in the early afternoon,  and the very first thing I do is empty the never washed ashtray. This thing is absolutely coated in a thick layer of ash and is permanently grayed because of it.

2:00 PM – Coffee Almost Done

It takes me about an hour to fully wake up. I enjoy my coffee from Tim Hortons (I’ll take an extra large triple triple, please) while chainsmoking to get into the day. While it looks like I smoke a lot (and I do), you have to remember that I share each of these smokes, so I’m really only smoking half of a cigarette each time.

11:00 PM – Starting to Quiet Down

The day goes on and I smoke and smoke, filling my ashtray to the brim. Most of my days are spent smoking and working on content – editing videos, uploading pictures, coming up with captions or writing posts like the ones you see here. Around 11, the house starts quieting down and The Boyfriend and I get to spend some time cuddling and watching our favorite shows.

3:00 AM – Bedtime… Finally!

We try really hard to go to bed around 3, although we’re often up until 4 or 5, especially if we decide to have sex that night. By the time we go to bed, the ashtray is well and truly full. It’s often a struggle to put the smoke out by this point. You’ll also notice the table around the ashtray gets ashy as time goes on. That gets cleaned up every morning when the ashtray gets emptied.

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So, there you have it, I have thoroughly confessed my ashtray sins!

I’d love to answer more of your smoking-related questions. Feel free to comment or send me messages and let’s continue exploring together. Find out more about me, my smoking fetish and how you can contact me on the blog or my about page.

Valerie Rayne’s Smoking Confession #1

Forgive me friends, for I have sinned…

My Mom, a fellow smoker, has always been disgusted by my worst smoking habit. She scoffs every time she witnesses it and I have gotten more than a few lectures. Just writing this confession, I am slightly embarrassed to admit this smoking faux pas!

I only have one ashtray and I never wash it…

It’s a large black plastic ashtray and I will fill it to the brim with cigarettes smoked to the filter. It almost never moves from its spot on my coffee table and only gets emptied once a day before being put back in its spot. It hasn’t been washed in years!

Don’t judge me…

I wish I was the type of person to have a series of small ashtrays. Cute ashtrays that somehow fit my non-existent aesthetic. I wish I would empty it after five or six smokes. I wish I washed it and used a second ashtray while it dried. I wish when other smokers came over, we didn’t all have to huddle around the one ashtray.

It has always been this way. I’ve always only had one ashtray, this ashtray. I don’t wash it because then I’d have to wait for it to dry before I could smoke a cigarette and that is just not conducive to my habit. Some days, I will empty it before it’s full but most days, it doesn’t even occur to me to empty it until I’m struggling to put smokes out.

It is honestly one of the worst things about me and smoking…

The Best Smoke of the Day

There are many great smokes during a day. The smoke after you eat a great meal, the smoke after an amazing session of sex, the smoke when you’re procrastinating on doing your chores or the smoke you have when you take your first step outdoors. All amazing cigarettes. However, the best smoke of the day, without a doubt, is the very first smoke of the day.

You’ve spent all night dreaming about smoking. You wake up and your first thought is, “I can’t wait for a smoke!”. It’s the reason you get up every morning!

That first cigarette sets up the rest of the day. If it’s a good smoke, if it hits all the right spots, if it makes you want another one, it’s gonna be a good day. If it’s a bad smoke, makes you cough and choke, tastes bad in your morning mouth, it’s gonna be a less good day. But at least you had a smoke!

I love waking up in the morning, getting comfy on my spot on the couch, lighting up my smoke and taking that first long drag. I enjoy that first smoke and that first cup of coffee. Taking a moment and just breathing it all in, holding it hard and then focusing on the exhale.

I almost always chain smoke when I first wake up and can easily smoke three or four in that first hour. I light one after the other as I wipe the sleep from my eyes, sipping my hot coffee between drags. It helps me wake up and prepare for the day.

After 20+ years of starting everyday with a smoke, it’s hard to imagine waking up without one. Without that first smoke, I think it would be harder to get up and go. There’d be no moment of stillness, no mindless deep breathing, no chance to wake up and prepare for the day – not without a dedicated effort, which defeats the entire purpose!

There are many smokes that I enjoy but none hold a match, a lighter, to the first smoke of the day. That one will probably always be my favorite.

Valerie Rayne’s Smoking Journey

My Mom, my grandparents, my aunts and my uncles all smoked. I grew up around smokers and it was always a part of my life. By the time I was 11 years old, I knew I wanted to do “that”.

At 11, an older cousin, my older sister and I snuck out to the back alley behind our house to share the single cigarette we had stolen from my aunt. The adults had all gone out to bingo, a common pastime for adults as I was growing up and we could’ve smoked inside the house but we were all too scared of getting caught.

I remember my sister coughing dramatically while both my cousin and I seemed like we had been smoking a long time. It came naturally to us. I remember experiencing a euphoric headrush and thinking to myself that I was definitely going to do “that” again!

Over the next few years, I would continue sneaking smokes from my Mom, especially if I was hanging out with this cousin. As one of the oldest cousins, he was regularly our babysitter when the adults would go to bingo on paydays. I always loved to smoke in the bathroom, standing in front of the mirror and watching as I exhaled the smoke from between my lips.

At 14, I began dating a punk rocker who loved to claim we were “straightedge except for sex“. That meant no drinking, no drugs – including cigarettes. Only once while we were together did I sneak a smoke that he never knew about during a night out with friends I rarely hung out with. It was outside the local Wal-Mart and I made them huddle all around me while we shared a single cigarette between the four of us, so worried that my boyfriend would catch me.

At 16, I began dating Alfie, the father of my three oldest kids. He was already a regular and heavy smoker and even though our relationship was abysmal, he always supported my smoking habit. He was also hugely influential in the beginning of my 20-year-long daily weed habit which eventually saw me smoking 5 – 7 joints a day!

I continued smoking through each of my pregnancies and while I felt horrible for doing so, I often justified it by saying life was so stressful (which was/is true) that smoking was saving people’s lives (not mine but other people’s). I definitely have always been the type of person who smokes more when I’m feeling stressed out.

I’ve never legitimately tried to quit smoking. I’ve had multiple hospital stays, two weeks or longer, where I will claim I am done with smoking and won’t smoke for the duration but the moment I’m released back into the real world, I pick up right where I left off. Smoking is my favorite thing to do and the idea of quitting feels like choosing to suffer. Why should I deny myself my favorite thing?!?

I have now been smoking cigarettes consistently for 21 years. I quit smoking weed about 8 months ago and haven’t struggled at all with that, which was a serious shock to me. I always thought it’d be harder to quit weed than it would be to quit cigarettes. I don’t know if I’ll ever quit smoking and it’s not currently on my radar to quit. Maybe one day but not anytime soon…