I had my very first experience with marijuana the year I turned 16. My older cousin, the one who first introduced me to cigarettes, knew that I had been considering trying weed after watching my sister and her partner enjoy it for at least a year. I wanted to know what it felt like and why everyone enjoyed it so much.
I remember going to the treed area behind our house and I remember smoking a small bowl from a metal pipe. I know I coughed the first time but then I was good as we passed the pipe back and forth between us. I don’t remember feeling high per se. I got a bit of a floaty feeling but I didn’t get ridiculously giggly or experience any of the things that people claim to experience when high on weed. I did fall asleep really easily that night.
Shortly after that, I started hanging out with a guy who would become the father of my first three kids. He was an avid marijuana user and even had a “gang” (I put this in quotes because it was really just a group of people who got high together) dedicated to weed. We would smoke weed all day, every day! I did quit for a short period when I was pregnant with my first kid but also had pretty severe morning sickness and the weed made it easier to eat, so it didn’t last long. Eventually, we broke up and I got with The Boyfriend and continued to smoke weed, every single day.
When I first started smoking weed, I was all about the pipe but they were always someone else’s pipe, usually metal, sometimes wood. Then about 4 or 5 years into my habit, I became obsessed with bongs because they were so easy to use and it gave me a nice smooth smoke, plus felt better when sharing with groups of people. Once The Boyfriend and I got together, he was an expert joint roller and my smoke of choice became joints. I imagine because they were closer to cigarettes, it also made it easier to have a 5 – 7 joints a day habit. And once weed was legalized and pre-rolled joints became available, those were my absolute favorite! Especially loved the all-white ones (no surprise!).
For 20 years, I smoked weed every single day. I’d go to work high, went through 6 pregnancies high, would smoke as soon as I woke up and right before I went to bed, all my sex happened when I was high, it was all high. Of course, high looked different/normal after a 20-year habit. It was just my normal and rarely did I ever feel high – just felt level. Just felt calm and relaxed and smooth.
After I had my 6th kid, who was born with a rare kidney condition, I threw blood clots in both my legs. For about 3 years, I seriously struggled with everything and couldn’t walk and spent a lot of time in the hospital and all the things started to have a very obvious impact on my mental health. In 2024, I began experiencing extreme anxiety and chest pain that seemed to be triggered every time I smoked weed. I decided I would take a break from marijuana to see if I could get rid of the anxiety and chest pain.
I’ve now been weed-free for about two years. Originally, I had just intended to take a break from it and was convinced that it would be a struggle, but quitting wasn’t hard. The chest pain was eventually diagnosed as inflammation that I still deal with today, but the anxiety has lessened dramatically, and ultimately, I feel much better not smoking weed. I have more energy, my memory has improved and I enjoy saving some money now that I’m not spending so much on multiple joints a day. The Boyfriend continues to smoke weed occasionally, which I also thought would make quitting for me harder, but I basically don’t even notice. Now he smokes outside and I think it’s been good for the whole house, which no longer reaks of pot.
I don’t think I’ll ever go back to smoking weed. The only time I ever have “cravings” for it is when we’re in large groups of people who are also smoking weed. But then I just smell it and that’s good enough for me. I feel like my life has been improved by quitting and I wouldn’t want to go back to how it was when I was getting high every day.
Valerie Rayne Smokes 