Valerie Rayne’s Stoner Era

I had my very first experience with marijuana the year I turned 16. My older cousin, the one who first introduced me to cigarettes, knew that I had been considering trying weed after watching my sister and her partner enjoy it for at least a year. I wanted to know what it felt like and why everyone enjoyed it so much.

I remember going to the treed area behind our house and I remember smoking a small bowl from a metal pipe. I know I coughed the first time but then I was good as we passed the pipe back and forth between us. I don’t remember feeling high per se. I got a bit of a floaty feeling but I didn’t get ridiculously giggly or experience any of the things that people claim to experience when high on weed. I did fall asleep really easily that night.

Shortly after that, I started hanging out with a guy who would become the father of my first three kids. He was an avid marijuana user and even had a “gang” (I put this in quotes because it was really just a group of people who got high together) dedicated to weed. We would smoke weed all day, every day! I did quit for a short period when I was pregnant with my first kid but also had pretty severe morning sickness and the weed made it easier to eat, so it didn’t last long. Eventually, we broke up and I got with The Boyfriend and continued to smoke weed, every single day.

Smoking from a glass pipe in the bathtub.

When I first started smoking weed, I was all about the pipe but they were always someone else’s pipe, usually metal, sometimes wood. Then about 4 or 5 years into my habit, I became obsessed with bongs because they were so easy to use and it gave me a nice smooth smoke, plus felt better when sharing with groups of people. Once The Boyfriend and I got together, he was an expert joint roller and my smoke of choice became joints. I imagine because they were closer to cigarettes, it also made it easier to have a 5 – 7 joints a day habit. And once weed was legalized and pre-rolled joints became available, those were my absolute favorite! Especially loved the all-white ones (no surprise!).

Smoking a pre-rolled joint with messy hair.

For 20 years, I smoked weed every single day. I’d go to work high, went through 6 pregnancies high, would smoke as soon as I woke up and right before I went to bed, all my sex happened when I was high, it was all high. Of course, high looked different/normal after a 20-year habit. It was just my normal and rarely did I ever feel high – just felt level. Just felt calm and relaxed and smooth.

After I had my 6th kid, who was born with a rare kidney condition, I threw blood clots in both my legs. For about 3 years, I seriously struggled with everything and couldn’t walk and spent a lot of time in the hospital and all the things started to have a very obvious impact on my mental health. In 2024, I began experiencing extreme anxiety and chest pain that seemed to be triggered every time I smoked weed. I decided I would take a break from marijuana to see if I could get rid of the anxiety and chest pain.

I’ve now been weed-free for about two years. Originally, I had just intended to take a break from it and was convinced that it would be a struggle, but quitting wasn’t hard. The chest pain was eventually diagnosed as inflammation that I still deal with today, but the anxiety has lessened dramatically, and ultimately, I feel much better not smoking weed. I have more energy, my memory has improved and I enjoy saving some money now that I’m not spending so much on multiple joints a day. The Boyfriend continues to smoke weed occasionally, which I also thought would make quitting for me harder, but I basically don’t even notice. Now he smokes outside and I think it’s been good for the whole house, which no longer reaks of pot.

A Snapchat post from 2023 in which I say, “It’s always 4:20 to me!“

I don’t think I’ll ever go back to smoking weed. The only time I ever have “cravings” for it is when we’re in large groups of people who are also smoking weed. But then I just smell it and that’s good enough for me. I feel like my life has been improved by quitting and I wouldn’t want to go back to how it was when I was getting high every day.

Valerie Rayne’s Smoking Journey

My Mom, my grandparents, my aunts and my uncles all smoked. I grew up around smokers and it was always a part of my life. By the time I was 11 years old, I knew I wanted to do “that”.

At 11, an older cousin, my older sister and I snuck out to the back alley behind our house to share the single cigarette we had stolen from my aunt. The adults had all gone out to bingo, a common pastime for adults as I was growing up and we could’ve smoked inside the house but we were all too scared of getting caught.

I remember my sister coughing dramatically while both my cousin and I seemed like we had been smoking a long time. It came naturally to us. I remember experiencing a euphoric headrush and thinking to myself that I was definitely going to do “that” again!

Over the next few years, I would continue sneaking smokes from my Mom, especially if I was hanging out with this cousin. As one of the oldest cousins, he was regularly our babysitter when the adults would go to bingo on paydays. I always loved to smoke in the bathroom, standing in front of the mirror and watching as I exhaled the smoke from between my lips.

At 14, I began dating a punk rocker who loved to claim we were “straightedge except for sex“. That meant no drinking, no drugs – including cigarettes. Only once while we were together did I sneak a smoke that he never knew about during a night out with friends I rarely hung out with. It was outside the local Wal-Mart and I made them huddle all around me while we shared a single cigarette between the four of us, so worried that my boyfriend would catch me.

At 16, I began dating Alfie, the father of my three oldest kids. He was already a regular and heavy smoker and even though our relationship was abysmal, he always supported my smoking habit. He was also hugely influential in the beginning of my 20-year-long daily weed habit which eventually saw me smoking 5 – 7 joints a day!

I continued smoking through each of my pregnancies and while I felt horrible for doing so, I often justified it by saying life was so stressful (which was/is true) that smoking was saving people’s lives (not mine but other people’s). I definitely have always been the type of person who smokes more when I’m feeling stressed out.

I’ve never legitimately tried to quit smoking. I’ve had multiple hospital stays, two weeks or longer, where I will claim I am done with smoking and won’t smoke for the duration but the moment I’m released back into the real world, I pick up right where I left off. Smoking is my favorite thing to do and the idea of quitting feels like choosing to suffer. Why should I deny myself my favorite thing?!?

I have now been smoking cigarettes consistently for 21 years. I quit smoking weed about 8 months ago and haven’t struggled at all with that, which was a serious shock to me. I always thought it’d be harder to quit weed than it would be to quit cigarettes. I don’t know if I’ll ever quit smoking and it’s not currently on my radar to quit. Maybe one day but not anytime soon…